Food Digest

October 19th, 2011

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Look disgusting? Well, you’re right.

I was working late and had a strange craving for one of those microwavable french bread pizza things. Stopped at 7-Eleven, and they didn’t have anything. So then I came home, hoping that for some reason there’d be some of those pizza roll things in the freezer. No luck. But, on a similar level of gross, I found this insanely freezer-burned Banquet meal (the kind that cost $1 at the grocery store).

I can’t believe I hadn’t eaten this until now! Chicken fried beefsteak with mashed potatoes and corn. Listen, I was hungry. (Wasn’t that Dahmer’s excuse, though, too?)

December 7th, 2010

World’s Most Dangerous TV Dinner

When I came home from the grocery store with this in my shopping bag, the Missus was seriously angry at me. And can you blame her?

Apparently it’s not “smart” to eat “food” because it’s “funny.” But c’mon! This baby was on sale for $1. And how much more appealing does “popcorn chicken” sound than “chicken nuggets?”

A lot. That’s how much.

So when I arrived home after having basically skipped dinner after working an especially long day, I needed something in my tummy before hitting the hay. Seemed like the perfect chance to break out the ol’ Banquet brand TV dinner.

And you know what? Not bad. Clearly not good. But it did the trick. It gave my stomach a little bit of food so I didn’t go to sleep with a growling belly.

By the way, the other reason why the Missus was near-homicidal when I unbagged this little gem of Americana after my trip to the grocery store is that, ahem, it was the day before Thanksgiving.

And I threatened that if she messed up the turkey, I was going to heat this up instead.

In front of the 20 or so people who ate Thanksgiving with us.

In retrospect, it wasn’t the smartest joke to make. But it turns out, this TV dinner came in quiet useful. So the joke’s on the Missus.

And I’m laughing all the way to the (wait for it) Banq-uet.

I’m sorry. That was uncalled for.